I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
