Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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