please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
