I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
