Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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