My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
