I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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