He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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