his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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