Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
