you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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