I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How's work?
Spinning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
