She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
