just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
