So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize