My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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