Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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