Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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