Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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