FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
