and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize