we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
