Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize