Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
