im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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