how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize