If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
do nipples grow back?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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