she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
