i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
