I cockslap morals
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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