What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
