You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
