You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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