The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize