I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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