i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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