why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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