Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
