Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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