Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
