he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
