So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
