its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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