please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
