sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
