I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize