I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
