Your dad touched me again.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize