If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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