Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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