I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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