Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
