This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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