the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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