It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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