too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
