We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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