Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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