Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
