when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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