Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
