his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Send help, water and tortillas.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Terrible idea I love it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
