I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
